Reflective Reading

I am a huge reader. In fact, I begin to get the shakes when I am nearing the end of a book and realize that I don't have one ready to go on the shelf. Not only that, but I am sad as I close the last page because my life has become intertwined and intimately involved with the characters of the story. Most of the time I read Christian fiction, choosing to check the books out at my local library, simply because my book budget isn't quite large enough to accommodate my addiction.

Lately, however, I've read several biographies that have been most interesting. Because I am a fanatical American Idol watcher, I recently read Mandisa's IdolEyes, which gave me insight not only into her path to the American Idol show but also her great faith as a follower of Jesus. A friend loaned me a biography of C.S. Lewis called Jack, which was written by his stepson. While I've read the Narnia books and several others by Lewis, I had never really read about his life and what made him the man and writer that he was. It was a fascinating story which caused me to appreciate Lewis and his writings all the more. His life was full of pain and sorrow, yet he was determined to live for God. Last but not least, I just finished the book, Mosaic, by Amy Grant which totally enraptured me.

I grew up on Amy Grant's music. I hadn't realized until reading her book that she began singing and song writing at a young age and thus, while I was listening to her as a teen, she was only about 3 years older than I. I have followed her music all my young life, purchasing every tape/CD she has cut so far. Although I knew about her divorce from Gary Chapman, I hadn't realized until reading her story how her life has paralleled mine...except for the singing of course! About the same time she was experiencing her separation and divorce, I was going through mine. And, her second chance at love with Vince Gill occurred during the same time frame as my remarriage to Tony. I connected with her on many levels because of our similar circumstances.

Mosaics is extremely thought-provoking. Amy doesn't claim to have her life all together and admits her failings. She is also not an ex-basher, nor does she air any of her previous marriage's dirty laundry. In fact, she doesn't go into any specifics about why it ended. I appreciate that she talks openly about it, yet not with details. It's certainly a lesson to me about transparency without the dirty details!

In one chapter of her book, Amy discusses her shortcomings in regard to a consistent quiet time with God, yet she shares some specifics on how she greets the day by going outside each morning and emphasizing different words in the phrase, "This is the day the Lord has made." After this "wake-up call", she says the Lord's Prayer. This was so poignant to me that I am including it in my blog, so here it is. I pray this means as much to you as it has to me.

"Our Father who art in heaven."
Our Father. All of us, everyone who's ever lived or died ~ we share him. We are his. Whether we are lovable or unlovable, whether we agree or disagree, saint or reprobate ~ all of us have the same Father, our Father who art in heaven.
"Hallowed be thy name."
Holy. Set apart. The Great Other. I can't even say "Hallowed be thy name" without thinking of all the times in the course of a day when I inadvertently say, "Oh my God." This is my time to say, "I'm sorry for throwing your name around."
"Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done."
What do I know about God's kingdom? The first shall be last, the greatest is the servant of all. Whoever loses his life for Jesus' sake will find it. This all seems upside down to me. Here my prayer becomes, "Help me see my world the way you do, to look at the heart and not the exterior."
"Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven."
I can assume that at any given moment what's happening in heaven is exactly what God wants to be happening. But here on earth, with all of us roaming around with our loads of free will, we have the option of saying either, "I think today I'll just be about what I want to do," or, "Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done." It makes me take a deep breath and consider my to-do list, the things that I find important, the ways that I plan to invest myself.
By myself, all I have is my own knowledge, my own experience, my own vantage point. How narrow. If I am on an eternal time line with things of eternal significance happening all around me, why would I want to be confined by my limited perspective? How much better to speak these words: "Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Let me be a part of your plan. I'd rather not be limited to just my own."
"Give us this day our daily bread."
My daily bread. Whatever I need this day. God sees it better than I can. Maybe my daily bread includes rest, maybe peace, patience, direction, creativity, work, wisdom. Even more, he can see what I don't need, the things I wander after; the things that swallow up the hours and leave me empty. "Whatever you know that I need today, I'm asking for it."
"Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors."
This sounds like a black-and-white equation. Forgive me the way I forgive. Yikes. Is Jesus teaching me a lesson even in the prayer he taught me to pray?
What do I feel I'm owed? Where have I invested myself with no return? From whom do I honestly believe that I deserve an apology or a thank you? What tally sheet am I hanging on to? Can I react to any expectation ~ anything that I think I'm owed ~ with the same ocean of mercy that's been poured over me? I need grace to see the entire debt that I have been forgiven, so that I can extend that same mercy to someone else. Burn the tally sheet. Mercy doesn't keep score. "I forgive my debtors. Thank you for forgiving me."
"And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil."
I don't understand the mystery of how God works, but I pray how Jesus told me to. "Lead us not into temptation. Don't take me somewhere that's dangerous for me. Don't give me what I'm asking for if I can't handle it."
"Deliver us from evil."
I think about a baby being delivered ~ pushing and shoving and womb walls squeezing in. Then it is delivered into the hands of a waiting family. Is that how we are delivered from evil? Am I coming through this world pushed in on every side, and it's messy and crazy and sometimes looks as much like death as life? "Deliver us from evil. Find us safe passage. See me safely through."
"For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory forever."
All of this is God's. It's his to rule. He alone is capable of finishing this thing he started. "God, you deserve endless gratitude and celebration from all your creation. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you."
Amen."

Woven throughout thoughts like this are poetry and songs Amy has written. Full of stories from her childhood and adult life, this book gives the reader just a glimpse into her life so far. While her reminiscences are an entertaining read, she also relates to the reader in a way that is real. Need something to read that will cause you to reflect? You won't be disappointed if you stay up late reading Mosaics!