Who's Got Your Ear?

A few nights ago I asked my husband to pray over me in preparation for our first day of our Roof-Crasher's Bible study since I was a little anxious about being one of the teachers for the Sacred Marriage study. Even though I have been happily re-married now for almost 8 years, I experienced a heart-wrenching divorce 9 years ago which has caused me to doubt at times my worthiness at leading any class much less one on marriage. Let's just say, the accuser assails negative thoughts my direction like..."what do you have to offer...you couldn't even stay married", and "people will not listen to what you have to say because of your track record" and "how can a divorced woman teach a marriage class?"

Now I know that God is not saying that I am worthless, useless and have nothing to offer. I realize that He has made beauty from the ashes of my life, and that He can use my brokenness to help someone else. But, Satan doesn't want ME to get it. He will do anything to get believers to disbelieve Christ's redeeming work in our lives and basically, to quit! Because I had these nagging thoughts plaguing me, I asked Tony to pray for me. He did and as we began to talk after his prayer, I started sharing my fears again. Basically, he shushed me, "Annette, we prayed about it. It's taken care of. God will be with you. Those thoughts are not true." I was speechless at his uncharacteristic bluntness, which if you know me, happens once in a blue moon. His words shut me up which stopped the negativity from flowing.

The following morning I was up earlier than normal to spend some time praying for the women that would come, for our leaders and for me, of course. Then, I asked God to speak to me and when I opened my One Year Bible to read the day before's portion since I was already a day behind, guess what? God spoke to me clearly through these verses in Proverbs:

"My child, never forget the things I have taught you. Store my commands in your heart. If you do this, you will live many years, and your life will be satisfying. Never let loyalty and kindness leave you! Tie them around your neck as a reminder. Write them deep within your heart. Then you will find favor with both God and people and you will earn a good reputation. Trust in the LORD with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take."

The last two sentences in this portion, Proverbs 3:5-6, were the verses I clung to while going through my divorce, becoming a single parent and learning to trust God through all my uncertain days ahead. I already thought I had this trust thing down because of all I had experienced in the past. God was reminding me again...trust ME with ALL your heart. The word "all" leaped off the page. Was I reserving part of my heart back from Him? Did I only want to trust him with certain portions? Was I not trusting Him to be with me after I had just asked Him to? Since God called me to this moment, wouldn't He fully equip me for the task?

Fear and doubt of my inadequacy to teach was replaced with a renewed trust in the complete adequacy of my Savior who redeemed my past and called me to be part of this teaching team. This was completely confirmed after each of us gave our introductions to the class. Open about my past, I shared about my previous divorce, my belief that God's plan is indeed for couples to stay married and how God beautifully and graciously allowed me a second chance at marriage with a wonderful man.

I half expected disappointed looks and maybe even a class exodus! Instead, during our small group time one woman with tears swelling talked about her own previous divorce and subsequent re-marriage. God perfectly placed her in my group for a reason, and He has once again shown me that my life, my past and my lessons learned have a purpose that He will carry out if I will simply trust Him.

No matter where you've been, what mistakes you have made, how much you've disobeyed, God can forgive you and free you to be used for His glory and fame. Even when we find ourselves experiencing suffering because of another's poor decisions, God can use our pain to bring encouragement and hope to those we encounter. It's a matter of listening to and trusting in the One who ransoms our pasts for our freedom...and shutting up old slewfoot who dredges up our pasts for our destruction. Who will you bend your ear to?