Ordinary Days

My blogging days have been sparse to say the least. With school out, well, dang it all...if that doesn't put a cramp in my ability to post. Then there's those blasted trips out of state that'll seriously dampen one's blogginess. Some of my friends are fortunate to own a laptop and therefore, they can simply sit in their house by the beach, mountains or hotel room and type away. Still, I wonder how much relaxation that can be. "Sorry, honey, can't walk on the beach right now, I've got to blog." I wonder how frustrating that might be for familial relationships. I'm just thinkin' that my hubby wouldn't take too kindly to me saying I couldn't hang out with the fam because I must be about my bloggy business. Just a thought. Guess I'm glad I don't have a laptop. I'd hate to allow my blessed computer time trump my real life relationships.

Perhaps that's another reason my posts have been so few and far between. I've been out living life with flesh and blood folks. Oh yeah, and running children to summer activities. As my cell phone message says if you call and leave a message, "I'm out gallivanting around right now..." Not only that, I've been vacationing forever it seems. Well, according to my husband it was forever since he didn't fly with me to visit my family in Washington state. He had to stay home with our son, Nick...not because Nick needed a babysitter, but just because hubby couldn't take the time off from work.

To him, it was an agonizing nine days without me. To me it was a meager eight days...nine if you count the day spent flying home. I choose not to count that. He missed me immensely. I missed him too, but well, hmmmm, how do I say this without sounding cold-hearted? I love my hubby; I always miss my hubby, but in light of spending time with my family, enjoying conversation and catching up with my brother's and sister's families, I'm thinking I didn't miss him, miss him if you catch my drift. So, when he was hugging me after we reunited at the airport, telling me he missed me and loved me, my little, squeaky, "I missed you, too," sounded totally false.

That's not all. Truthfully, I wasn't ready to leave my family. I know that all good things must come to an end, but why? I absolutely love and treasure my family. We all get along, including the out-laws! The cousins love playing together. Amazingly, I don't believe one squabble erupted amongst them. How can anyone fight hanging out at grandma and grandpa's lake house? The 4th of July is spent around a bonfire roasting marshmallows for s'mores, singing patriotic songs and blowing up the lake, aka lighting off fireworks. We talk and talk and talk s'more. In fact, I'm pretty sure I used up my allotment of words each day and then some. My dad specifically told me that he overused his words. He probably had to take a couple of days rest from talking after I left. Sorry, Mom!

We also celebrated birthdays in big fashion. To those on the outside, we probably seem heartless and cruel in the way that we poke fun at our relatives. We royally roast our relatives so that they know they are specially loved. Three momentous birthdays occurred this year, and because we all live far enough away not to be able to join together on those days, we do our dirty work during our annual visit. With Mom turning 65 this past February, and my brother and his wife hitting the big 4-0, there was no escaping this rite of passage. My sister, aka "the creative writer genius", composed three songs in less than 5 hours during her trip over the mountain from Spokane. She always gets any skit-writing/song-writing gigs by default because she knows...a. that anything I would come up with would be lame (and I agree), and b. that anything Toby would come up with would be less lame, but still not creative enough. With two full-time careers and finishing up her M.B.A., Tricia works great under pressure...so we siblings felt absolutely no guilt giving her this task. She's always up for a challenge. Might I say that once again she was absolutely brilliant. With the lake as our backdrop, we dudes and divas crooned Tricia's creative words to the music of the karaoke machine. While no one chanted for an encore, the uproarious laughter and deafening applause caused us to consider perhaps taking our show on the road. Beware Partridge Family: you may be overshadowed by the Weston Family Singers.

Alas, as I said before, all good things must come to an end...and they did. Is there any wonder that I had difficulty re-entering real life? Back to routine, laundry, cooking, carpooling...ugh! I admit it. I was in a bad, bad place when I returned. No, I didn't need to be committed, but I had an Attitude with a capital "A". Topping it off were the things that did not get done while I was gone. I'm not mentioning any names, but apparently when momma leaves, life stops. I was awfully quiet and on the verge of hysterical crying, but I managed to contain myself and for once, keep my flippin' trap shut! This is good. You see, I knew that I was not in a good place in my mind and that I had a stinkin' attitude. My feelings were a jumbled mess and frankly, I needed to sort some things out before I started pointing my finger and naming names and their sins against me. What kinds of unrealistic expectations had I set up? What was so awful about the items on my list not getting crossed off that was causing the world to end? I just needed to get over myself. So, today (for once) I am pleased with myself. Every time Tony asked to 'talk about' what was bothering me, I said, "No." Now this isn't the "nothing's wrong" syndrome I don on occasion. Basically, I needed to figure it all out in my mind and determine if there was truly anything valid to say...otherwise I knew stuff would spew, and it wouldn't be pretty!

So, there you have it, beauty of celebration with family and ugliness of self all in one post. I'm back to ordinary days of life...filled with husbands and kids and dirty laundry and fixing meals. These ordinary days of life include celebrating birthdays with wonderful friends, as I did today, as well as rushing off to carpool girls to gymnastics. Most of these days are not wildly exciting, but that's okay. I know that even in these ordinary days, I have purpose even if it doesn't seem very grand or important. In God's eyes, it is important; my ordinary days do have value. I love what I read this morning from Nancy Ortberg's book, Looking for God that confirms this thought.

"Ordinary gives us a sense of purpose even in the mundane, a kind of freedom that releases us from the need to be important--a need that can weigh us down and sink us into our own pitiful selves. Ordinary gives a peace and joy and centeredness that turns us toward God and builds him deep inside of us."

"I wonder if we miss him sometimes because we miss how often the ordinary shows up--and the fact that God is there also."

Ordinary defines most of my days. I pray that I see God in all the ordinariness of doing laundry, feeding my family, spending time with my husband and children, meeting with friends and driving the kids' activities circuit. Whether or not my name is ever in the spotlight, God has given me a purpose to fulfill within my own family. It certainly has its many mundane moments, moments in which I question my value and whether something greater might be "out there" for me. Still, I know in my heart of hearts that this job he has called me to for right now is grander and more important than anything I could achieve for myself. And, this job of being solely a wife and mom in ordinary, sometimes bland days is more challenging and requires more focus on my Savior than anything I have ever done. I will keep looking for God to show up in my ordinary days of my ordinary life!

A Love Worth Celebrating

Not everyone loves Valentine's Day. For many who are single or in unhappy relationships, this day is not on their top ten list of holidays to celebrate. At one point, I was in that same boat...before Mr. Pancake Man entered my life! He's brought joy, laughter and fun, obviously. Even more, this love of my life is my best friend with whom I share everything...my joys, my sorrows and my longings.

Things I love about my man:

1. He loves me for who I am, flaws and all (and I have many).

2. He loves to hang out with me (even just sitting on the couch to watch the Colts or IU play).

3. He loves all our kids (including his two stepkids). Oh, I admire him so much on this one!!

4. He loves his Savior and is constantly working on being a better man of God. There's nothing better than seeing him reading his Bible!

5. He loves to travel.

6. He looks good in a tank top (I know that's more shallow, but he is one good-lookin' hunk).

7. He plays on my blondeness often (this isn't difficult to do).

8. He cries with me during movies. (what a manly thing to do.)

9. He cares about what I think about everything (and I mean e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g.)

10.He's always happy to see me at the end of the day!

Most days I count my blessings at having this unbelievable man in my life. That may sound incredibly sappy, but you'd have to know my history...you know, BEFORE Tony and AFTER Tony. For many years, I was so envious of other couple's relationships. They had something I didn't have and longed for. When God brought Tony into my life, I experienced true love beyond what I ever imagined. In fact, I remember one day asking my mom if she saw any red flags to please tell me. "No, Annette, he's your soulmate," she responded. Wow. That was so big to me coming from my mother.

(Niagara Falls)

Sure, we argue. Yes, we don't always agree. Many times I do get aggravated when he leaves the jelly jar out or forgets to tell me that he has a meeting and won't be home until late. But, in the big scheme of things...our love and commitment to one another...those things don't matter a hill of beans. He tells me every day how much he loves me and often says to the kids, "Isn't your mother beautiful?" To which they roll their eyes and murmur, "Whatever." If I happen to be cooking, he's always complimentary. When I try new recipes that he's not fond of, he gently asks, "Do you like this?" The kids just gripe and say, "Oooo, what is this? Have we eaten it before?" I would honestly have to say that he is much nicer than I am.

So on this lovey dovey (mmm...makes me think of dove dark chocolate) day, I celebrate my wonderful, crazy Mr. Pancake Man who loves me inspite of myself!

Who's Got Your Ear?

A few nights ago I asked my husband to pray over me in preparation for our first day of our Roof-Crasher's Bible study since I was a little anxious about being one of the teachers for the Sacred Marriage study. Even though I have been happily re-married now for almost 8 years, I experienced a heart-wrenching divorce 9 years ago which has caused me to doubt at times my worthiness at leading any class much less one on marriage. Let's just say, the accuser assails negative thoughts my direction like..."what do you have to offer...you couldn't even stay married", and "people will not listen to what you have to say because of your track record" and "how can a divorced woman teach a marriage class?"

Now I know that God is not saying that I am worthless, useless and have nothing to offer. I realize that He has made beauty from the ashes of my life, and that He can use my brokenness to help someone else. But, Satan doesn't want ME to get it. He will do anything to get believers to disbelieve Christ's redeeming work in our lives and basically, to quit! Because I had these nagging thoughts plaguing me, I asked Tony to pray for me. He did and as we began to talk after his prayer, I started sharing my fears again. Basically, he shushed me, "Annette, we prayed about it. It's taken care of. God will be with you. Those thoughts are not true." I was speechless at his uncharacteristic bluntness, which if you know me, happens once in a blue moon. His words shut me up which stopped the negativity from flowing.

The following morning I was up earlier than normal to spend some time praying for the women that would come, for our leaders and for me, of course. Then, I asked God to speak to me and when I opened my One Year Bible to read the day before's portion since I was already a day behind, guess what? God spoke to me clearly through these verses in Proverbs:

"My child, never forget the things I have taught you. Store my commands in your heart. If you do this, you will live many years, and your life will be satisfying. Never let loyalty and kindness leave you! Tie them around your neck as a reminder. Write them deep within your heart. Then you will find favor with both God and people and you will earn a good reputation. Trust in the LORD with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take."

The last two sentences in this portion, Proverbs 3:5-6, were the verses I clung to while going through my divorce, becoming a single parent and learning to trust God through all my uncertain days ahead. I already thought I had this trust thing down because of all I had experienced in the past. God was reminding me again...trust ME with ALL your heart. The word "all" leaped off the page. Was I reserving part of my heart back from Him? Did I only want to trust him with certain portions? Was I not trusting Him to be with me after I had just asked Him to? Since God called me to this moment, wouldn't He fully equip me for the task?

Fear and doubt of my inadequacy to teach was replaced with a renewed trust in the complete adequacy of my Savior who redeemed my past and called me to be part of this teaching team. This was completely confirmed after each of us gave our introductions to the class. Open about my past, I shared about my previous divorce, my belief that God's plan is indeed for couples to stay married and how God beautifully and graciously allowed me a second chance at marriage with a wonderful man.

I half expected disappointed looks and maybe even a class exodus! Instead, during our small group time one woman with tears swelling talked about her own previous divorce and subsequent re-marriage. God perfectly placed her in my group for a reason, and He has once again shown me that my life, my past and my lessons learned have a purpose that He will carry out if I will simply trust Him.

No matter where you've been, what mistakes you have made, how much you've disobeyed, God can forgive you and free you to be used for His glory and fame. Even when we find ourselves experiencing suffering because of another's poor decisions, God can use our pain to bring encouragement and hope to those we encounter. It's a matter of listening to and trusting in the One who ransoms our pasts for our freedom...and shutting up old slewfoot who dredges up our pasts for our destruction. Who will you bend your ear to?

The Two Shall Become One!

Tony and I fulfilled scripture in a very different sense this week...in a shopping trip. No, my husband is NOT a shopper, unfortunately. And, actually, I'd much prefer him not to accompany me on my shopping trips because...frankly, he makes me nervous. I feel the need to entertain him, make sure he's having fun, not bored, etc. Girlfriends are the best shopping companions aside from my brother-in-law, Steve, who is the only man I've met who enjoys browsing and buying!

Earlier this week Tony mentioned that he needed new dress shirts. Apparently, they have been shrinking in the neck to the point of almost choking him. Either that or his neck has grown a half inch. Not wanting my poor husband to suffer unduly, I made a trip to TJ Maxx to purchase some new shirts. As I was walking out with 5 assorted dress shirts in a bag, my cell phone rang. Guess who? Yep, it was Tony asking me what I was doing. "Shoot, caught shopping again," I thought. Only this time it's for a good cause. Save my poor, sweet baby from dying while in the middle of a presentation to a client. "So, what are you doing?" he asks.

"Well, I'm just walking out of TJ Maxx."

"Oh," he says. "I was just there earlier today."

Completely aghast and peeved, I spout, "You didn't buy any shirts, did you?"

"Why yes I did."

"Well, I just now bought you some shirts, too. I guess we'll just have to compare and see what we both came up with. This will be interesting to see."

Later that evening in our house, one might have received the impression that it was Christmas. I excitedly held my treasured purchase of shirts tightly concealed in the bag waiting to see how we matched up in our separate buying sprees. Would our two bags demonstrate unity in mind even in shopping, or would we remain separate entities, doomed to give each other gift cards for the rest of our days? We sprung the bags open to reveal the contents. The results were astounding. Two white shirts versus two white shirts; one blue shirt versus one blue shirt; one tan shirt versus one tan shirt! The only leftover was the extra maroon shirt in my bag. It was a joyous occasion in our household that night. We experienced a new dimension in our marriage relationship as we realized that we can shop for one another with an assurance that we have similar tastes. This, coupled with the excitement over returning all the extra, unnecessary dress shirts purchased, thus saving money, was cause for great celebration. And, you know my husband, he loves it when I save him moolah when I shop!