Our Tooth Fairy Must Be Blonde

I'm very concerned about our Tooth Fairy. I don't know if you've ever experienced this problem before, but I have multiple times now. To be more accurate, our kids have. It's heart-breaking to watch these kids of mine arise in the morning, excited to see what the Tooth Fairy has left in exchange for their itty bitty teeth, and then...wails and sobs break out because they have received absolutely NOTHING! That dirty, rotten, scoundrel Tooth Fairy. How dare she (or he) forget my children.

It's incredible to observe how creative this Loser Tooth Fairy has become over the years. On one occasion money magically appeared underneath the pillow after the child had awakened and left the bedroom. How did the Tooth Fairy manage to do that so sneakily, and how could the child be so naive to think that he missed seeing the money in the first place? Another time, that savvy Tooth Fairy placed that dollar inside the pillow case and forgot to take the tooth. We simply explained to our daughter that the TF probably wanted her to keep her tooth for posterity. She bought it, hook, line and sinker.

And the latest episode of the TF with Alzheimer's occurred a few days ago. A groggy, distraught Maddie plodded into my bathroom in the morning upset because once again the TF forgot to leave money. "I checked everywhere, even in the pillow case!" Picking up my daughter, I stepped into the kitchen speaking loudly to hubby, "Can you believe that the Tooth Fairy forgot to leave money AGAIN?" Wink, wink. He's getting the picture clearly, and as I hand him my wallet, he sneaks out to the rugrat's bedroom. A few minutes later, he appears saying that he thinks the Tooth Fairy did visit during the night, but left the money in a different place this time. The Tooth Fairy loves a good scavenger hunt! Walking into her bedroom, Maddie begins checking under all the pillows, looks behind the bed and doesn't find anything until daddy says, "You didn't check underneath your baby's pillow!" Wow, he's so smart. How'd he think of that? Well, there lay four quarters ready to be handled by her grubby, little hands. "But, she always leaves a dollar!" Maddie cried.

Forget the Tooth Fairy, we need to work on this girl's math! All's well that ends well. Sigh.

Guilt-free Living

Here's my article from the latest edition of our women's newsletter entitled DivineLines:

One Trip You Don’t Need to Take!

Many of us take vacations each summer to take a break from our normal routines, enjoy undivided family time and indulge in much-needed relaxation. Unfortunately, those trips don’t seem to last long enough, a week or two at the most. On the contrary, as a woman, I have found myself taking the same trip over and over the past…hmmm…30 plus years. You know the one I’m talking about. The infamous Guilt Trip. Yep, I seem to repeat this trip often, sometimes against my will and better judgment. Why do I do this? Why do I beat myself up for what I do or don’t do, should or shouldn’t do?

One of the areas I’ve felt guilty over during the last few months is not accomplishing enough at home. After all, I am a stay-at-home mom, so my house should be spotless, right? Why do I feel the need to explain my productiveness to my husband who has been at work all day? I certainly wouldn’t want him to consider me a slacker, so I must spout off, “I have done 2.5 loads of laundry, put the dishes in the dishwasher, swept the kitchen floor (well, maybe ½ of it, but I feel the need to stretch things a bit), and folded the towels that have been laying on the couch for three days.” Why do I need to make myself feel better by relating all I have accomplished for the day, and why do I feel guilty about telling him that I shared lunch with friends or spent much needed time reading a book? Why do I put so much emphasis on what I am doing (the outward) and spend little time just being (the inward)?

Another guilt-ridden area has to do with raising my children. You know, my parenting just isn’t adequate enough; I should be doing a better job. Why is it that often times when I hear about a great idea that is working in a friend’s family, guilt emerges? Ever been around someone who mentions that they are having family devotions weekly and a meaningful prayer time as well? I’m not knocking those who are doing this; frankly, I’m just jealous. Oh, I’ve started this family devotion thing at various seasons throughout my parenting career and each time it’s been a habit for about a week. The older kids appear disinterested and uncommunicative while baby-of-the-family, life-of-the-party Maddie climbs all over the couch, expelling bodily function noises and causing the older kids to perk up and laugh at her antics. End of devotions. End of meaningful prayer time. My guilt level rises because family devotions aren’t working. In addition, guilt plagues me with thoughts that I should be playing more with my kids; I shouldn’t let them watch so much television; I should be driving them to school, not making them take the bus; I should make crafts with my kids. I seem to easily forget about the things I am doing to raise my children well, such as playing games with them, reading to them, having meaningful conversations in the car as I drive them to various sports activities.

The list of guilt is endless, isn’t it? I don’t contact my mother-in-law enough; I shouldn’t eat that piece (or bag) of chocolate; I should volunteer more at my child’s school; I should call my friends more often; I’m not doing enough at church or for my small group; I shouldn’t eat out so much; I should eat more healthy; I should exercise more; I should be a better wife, mother, daughter, employee. My guilt and perhaps even yours transcends into the spiritual realm. I should read my Bible more; I should pray more; I shouldn’t have gossiped about that person; I should forgive her; I’m not loving enough; I’m not patient enough. I could find areas of my life to feel guilt over ad infinitum. How do I assuage this guilt?

I’m still in process, but some things I’m learning are:

Give myself permission to do things for me, such as reading, exercising or spending time with friends. Recently, I talked with a friend who has a goal to read 40 books in the next year in order to challenge her mind to continue to grow. My goal is to read meaningful material an hour a day. I’m learning that it is okay to take time to refresh my soul and body; in fact, to be a better woman, wife and mom, it’s vital.

Give myself permission to say ‘no’ in order to say ‘yes’ to the more important. So many times, I’ve said ‘yes’ to wonderful service opportunities out of guilt only to be very sorry later. About two years ago, I was severely overcommitted, leading several small groups and not doing any of them well. Since that time, I’ve learned that just because someone considers me qualified to do something, doesn’t mean I’m the person to do it. I learned the hard way that it’s all right to say ‘no’ to a greater ‘yes’. I prayed about what I should be involved in, how to best utilize my gifts, and where I was most passionate. When you know the place to which God has called you and where He has not, you can avoid the guilt trip.

Give myself and my family the freedom to be different from other families. While I was growing up, I would constantly spout this phrase to my mom, “Linda’s family lets her do _________” to which she would reply, “Well, we aren’t Linda’s family.” Hmmm, seems as if we could put this into practice. Each of us is uniquely and wonderfully created. Not one of us is the same, so that means that the inner workings of our families will be different. I don’t need to feel guilty because I’m not a Barbie-playing, Play-doh-loving mom. It’s unfair to compare myself to my friend who is, because on the flip side, I may do things in my family that cause her to take the guilt trip.

Just in the last week, I’ve heard the word “guilt” more times than I can count. We feel guilty about everything, don’t we? While I don’t want to downplay the role guilt plays in bringing us to our knees before God when we have sinned and need to make things right, so much of our guilt stems from our comparison to what others are doing in their lives. We do need to feel conviction and confess when we have slandered another’s name, harbored unforgiveness, or said harsh words to family members. When God forgives us, He sets us free from the guilt that may linger over our sin. However, we need to be free of guilt in areas that cause us to compare our lives with others and thereby cause us to believe that we are not measuring up or that we are somehow failing. When we are tempted to take that guilt trip, we need to choose to decline that vacation for even a day. Give yourself permission to be different from others and give yourself a much-needed break from that particular trip!

A Little Tennis Anyone?

It was a slightly misty moment for me as I watched my son, Nick, walk off the tennis court last night. I've done fairly well holding it together as a mom of a senior student, but last night was an indicator that I may be losing it soon. After four years of playing tennis in high school, four years of hard work, four years of persistence, four years of sporadic playing, Nick played his first Varsity doubles match. And, it was a good night. A proud parent's dream. A true gift from God to see.

Label me sappy, but it truly was Nick's shining moment after years of being patient, years of being a faithful team member, years of working hard with not a word of complaint. He and his doubles partner started off colder than the ice in my refrigerator and lost the first set. Trust me, I was getting a little nervous. This varsity debut was not starting off well. As the match progressed, however, they began placing shots well, taking their opponents off guard and gaining ground. The second set ended 6-1. Tied at one set each, they began the third set for the tie-breaker. South teammates began to rally at the bleachers because this last set was going to seal the fate of the entire school match. If Nick and his teammate didn't win, the school would lose to our opposing team. No pressure!

In a blaze of glory, like Mavericks, they took out the other doubles pair with a 6-0 victory! Their victory gave Bloomington South their first Conference Indiana win. My boy was part of a great moment.

It's as if someone lit a fire underneath those two boys, they exchanged lack of confidence for a "we can do it" attitude, and they tore the court up. These are the beautiful gifts that I thank God for. These are extraordinary moments in my ordinary day in which I see God work. He gave Nick the spotlight, and as a parent who knows the effort and sacrifices he has made to be part of this team, it is something I will always treasure.

Grave Matters

Last weekend on our way up to Lake Tippecanoe to spend the weekend at Tony's brother's lake house, we stopped by Tony's dad's grave. Our youngest, Maddie, hadn't recalled ever being there, so we decided to show her. She's heard a lot about Grandpa Stonger even though he died years before Tony and I met and married.

As we strolled through the tiny cemetery surrounded by cornfields on three sides, we perused the graves looking at names and dates. Maddie was extremely curious why her grandpa was buried in this particular place. After explaining that the location was conveniently close to where the family used to live, she spouted, "You know where I'm going to be buried?" Wondering what that busy little mind was up to now, we asked, "No, where?"

"In the backyard!" she exclaimed. Of course, why didn't we think of that?!